Writing a post on a Sunday… odd for me… but something happened that I felt like was worthy of a Sunday post. I have already posted this to my personal FB page, but for those not FB Friends with me, I was laid off on Thursday.
I never saw it coming either.
Late Thursday afternoon I was pulled into a conference room by the office manager and my boss (who works in the company’s NYC office) was on the phone. So I knew something bad was about to happen. As soon as I heard my boss speak, I knew what was about to happen… his tone of voice told me everything.
I was in utter shock and knew I had a small window of time to leave the office before breaking down into tears. I was given permission to come back and get my stuff and even to get some personal documents off of my work computer at a later date. So I went back to my desk and sent the two emails that I had typed up and threw some of things into my bag and walked out with my normal, “Have a good evening.”
I had posted to FB what happened and while on the bus heading home several friends text me. It is times like this when you truly find out who cares.
I got home and changed for a run right away… I knew the shock was starting to wear off and I desperately needed a run to stay sort of sane. It wasn’t an excellent run. Every time I stopped for a drink of water from the water fountain, I had to fight back tears. When I got home, I had a text from my boss. That is when I broke down. I know he cares and he offered me help with my next step. I am ever so grateful and will take him up on his offer. But I wasn’t ready to face it all quite yet.
I chatted with some friends and watched TV until I felt like I could fall asleep right away. But when I laid down in bed, I couldn’t sleep. I had a list running through my mind of things that I had started at work but didn’t finish and emails from clients that I never got a chance to take action on. After 20 minutes of trying to sleep, I knew I wouldn’t. So I typed up a “pending items” email and sent it to my boss. I know that is not normal and I know it was not expected of me but I also had to do it. I couldn’t just leave those items up in the air like that.
The next morning I woke up insanely early… true to form… but of all days for me to be wide awake before 6:00 am… it really wasn’t the best day to have a lot of extra thinking time. I spent most of the morning in tears.
You see, I loved my job. I always did. I got along well with my boss and my co-workers. I loved my hours and I loved the work. I had always felt like I had accomplished what everyone always seeks out… the perfect job. For me, getting up for work was never a drag because I was happy. I truly loved it. I am mourning the loss of a job that I loved.
I never expected to be in this position. And I suppose that was naive of me. I thought they would choose to let go of people who talked regularly about how much they hate it there over someone who truly loved being there. But the world does not work that way. I knew that all along but I was living in a euphoria of happiness. Joke was on me I guess.
I do have a game-plan and I know what I need to do. I had already planned a mini-vacation to visit my Aunt and Uncle this week. I see no point in canceling the trip. So I am going to take this week to mourn and just be. When I get back I will start to put my plan into action and hopefully, this will be a very short set-back.
In the meantime, I have some truly wonderful people in my life who are helping me get through this. So I want to thank them right now.
Cookie – Thank you so much for checking in on me to make sure I am ok. Thank you for offering to go with me to get my stuff at the office. I know you will keep me entertained and distracted while I have this unexpected free time… which will help me from going utterly insane.
Eric & Vijay – Thank you so much for your kind offer for Disney. I was prepared to ask if you would be willing to do that for me but you had already decided that you would and that touches me more than you will ever know.
To my Parents and My Aunt Barbara – Thank you for always supporting me in everything and for loving me.
There have been several other people who have checked in to see how I am doing and have done a wonderful job of distracting me a bit. And for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I also want to thank everyone who has offered to help me with my resume and networking. After this week, I intend to jump into the job search enthusiastically so all the help will be greatly appreciated!
Lastly, I need some sort of normalcy in my life right now… so, I will still try to post like I always have. Running is too much a part of my life and I need to hold on to a part of myself that I have not lost right now.
If you have made it this far in this post, thanks for sticking with me…. It is still the same me. But I wear my heart on my sleeve so it just a scared and sad version of me right now… That might come through a little.