I start off the month so well and I felt really good about my training and all the progress I had made since November of last year. But things slowly to started to unravel…
It started off with pain in my left leg while running. It was never debilitating and I could work through it and I did for 4 runs before I started to worry that it might be an injury. It turned out to be shoes at mileage but I took the extra time off anyway.
The week leading up to my trip to Boston was filled with packing and making sure I had everything I needed and laundry and cleaning… and just the general stuff involved in leaving town for a week. The weather was also terrible for a few days and I figured the extra time off wouldn’t hurt before a goal race.
Except, I made a game day decision to not race the race like a goal race. I still feel like it was the right decision but hindsight… perhaps I should have run those days leading up to the trip.
When I got back I was exhausted from lack of sleep while in Boston. I had a blast while there but I could definitely tell that I was sleep deprived. I made a small effort and even headed out to attempt a 7 or 8 mile run. But my exhaustion and the wind made it mentally difficult for me to fight for that run. To make matters worse, I probably should have waited longer for my breakfast to settle before heading out for the run because I had one very unhappy tummy the whole time. So I bailed and didn’t run the 7 miles I had planned and was not even close to the 8 I had hoped for.
Then came a week that I knew was going to be busy and difficult given the forecast. The need for Laundry, a Baseball game with Friends and a work drinks thing meant running wasn’t possible. I was then going to try to run before going a friends but it was raining when I got home so I bailed on the run (I really HATE running in the rain… especially when it is barely 50 degrees). But three nights in a row of little sleep did me in and come Friday I was too exhausted to work up the mental energy to talk myself into a run. The weekend was filled with one of my good friends wedding and I knew going into the weekend that I was likely to not run at all. So a week with no running…
I know these are all excuses. I know that I could have just forced myself to get out there for even a short run more often than not. But mentally, I haven’t been there.
Often, when I get out of the habit of running, I find it difficult to get it back. I fell off the training horse for SF10 and now that race is just looming over me. This is why me and training plans just get along. If I have a bad week or two, I just give up because the training plan is already out the window.
I need to get back out there and my hope is that once this race is over and done with, I can get back out there. I will have MONTHS before the next goal race so if I need to start over it won’t be an issue. The thought of starting over a few weeks before a goal 10 mile race… yea… mental slap in the face. But if I don’t run, I don’t know how much of my training I have lost.
Kind of a messed up way of looking at it but that is sort of where I am mentally right now. I keep telling myself to just get my butt out there but this race is still looming and it sort of scares me to a degree.
Last year I did the race without even attempting to train for it and this year I did try to train for it. But things kind of fell apart.
I feel confident that I can finish the race but I am facing the reality that this may not be the best chance to go for a time goal. I am still going back and forth with that. I am ok with needing to adjust… it happens. I knew when I made this a goal race that I was going to have a busy April and May. I had thought that I would be able to mentally fight for the race through the busy times but instead I have just been exhausted.
Perhaps listening to my body is better. I know exhaustion always catches up to me in the form of a cold. I would be even more angry if I had to miss the race entirely because I was too sick to get off my couch. So long term, the smarter move was to give myself rest. But short term it likely means my goal is already gone.
Then again, I really surprised myself last year so it is possible that will happen again. If the weather is in my favor, I do have a fighting chance. If it is not, then I won’t even try to go for it.
Hopefully, once the race is behind me, I can get back on track. I need to shift the focus from a race to my other goals. A solid running base and running 5 days a week…